What's In a Name?

So I've neglected my blog since I've discovered Facebook. :) However that's not the onlyreason I haven't blogged. I've had the opportunity to deal with some issues and I've had the help of many people and I thank them for all the help. I wrote a poem that represents the way I've felt.

Scars
Scars on my legs and on my arms.
Scars meant to bring me some harm.
Scars that brought me blatant pain,
For purposes to keep me sane.

Scars that remind me of days past.
That comforted me when I could not last.
Scars that faded to white and red.
Scars that released all thoughts in my head.

Scars represent the hurt I felt.
Scars were my own way I dealt
With feelings that were never allowed.
The high I put myself on my cloud.

Scars I controlled how long, how deep.
Scars overtook my mind’s keep.
But I live to say that they are wrong,
They are a fix that never lasted long.

I hate the scars that haunt my skin.
I vow that no scars will come again.
If I could turn back the time,
I would never have made these scars of mine.

Life is hard, believe me, I know. But with the help of others I've gotten to where I am today. Which doesn't mean I'll fall back a few steps, but I've come to expect that, you know, "expect the worse, hope for the best!" Life is good, its a good thing. :)

It's Almost Christmas!!!

Does time fly for you as much as it does for me??? Holy cow! Christmas is literally just around the corner. Its weird because all my Christmas shopping is basically done but I don't feel ready for the holiday. We have Thanksgiving and all the sudden Christmas is looking at us right in the eyes.

The past week has been one of the most interestingly bad experiences I've had in my life. I've had to give up control on a lot of aspects of my life. I've had to lean on family and doctors and trust them with........well trust them with my life. So in this season of giving I feel like I'm only taking.

As my meds have been taken away, pushed back on, and started all over in some cases, you may say I've been somewhat of a basket case. I've missed one whole week of work, it was what needed to happen because there's no telling what would have happened had I been at work. People would have been scared, very, very scared! However, I look at the support network around me: my family, my friends, and even my doctors. At least they are pulling for me, even if I won't pull for myself. I can see that now, as my mind has been able to come out of that fog a little, maybe the alternative isn't a better option.

The spirit of Christmas, the gift of Christmas, it's a gift that keeps on giving. And you know what? It's a gift I can keep taking from and it doesn't make me selfish. It's the time of year for good cheer, for forgetting our imperfections, for remembering why we are here on this Earth. There has only been one perfect person, and He's there for me, and He's been there for me through my family, through my friends, and through my doctors. I can see Him in the goodness of those around me, in strangers' smiles when I walk by, and hear Him in the songs of the season. All I need to remember is to take a minute, even a second to remember what this season is about and how I can carry it with me for the entire year.

Merry Christmas everyone!

R Is For Argyle

Well not really it's not, but if you've ever heard the BNL alphabet song, you'd get why I said that. Anyway, I have become a huge fan of argyle! I wanted to pay a little tribute to it in my blog.

Of course argyle has mostly been seen in Scotland, after all that's where it was originated, but it made its way over to the USA in the early 1900's as golf apparel. It is a pattern of overlapping diamonds, adding a sense of three-demensionality, movement, and texture. To me, argyle seems studious, classy, and just down right awesome! As a fat lady buying fat clothes, there was never any clothing containing the argyle pattern. As I've lost weight and have been able to shop in 'regular' clothing stores, argyle has been ever present. So naturally, I'm drawn to it. Argyle is a different pattern, much different than plain old pinstripe or polka dots. However, to me, it's not just a pattern. It's a symbol of success and acceptance!

Back To the Grind

Disneyland was so much fun! It was so nice to go somewhere and not have any commitments, except for a dining reservation at The Blue Bayou. And even that didn't have to be honored! I've been back to work for 3 days and the vacation seems like it was just a dream! Crazy how the real life just sucks you back in!

We decided that Disneyland is going to be an annual trip every November. I'm really excited because my sister and bro in law are coming with us next year. Along with my nephews, Jordan and Andrew. They are so stoked too!

Family vacations rock!

I Can't Wait!

I'M SO EXCITED!

I leave tomorrow at 10:00 AM, drive down to Vegas, spend the night, drive to Anaheim, play in Disneyland for 3 whole days, drive to St. George, spend the night, then drive home! How's that for a run-on sentence?

WOO HOO! DISNEYLAND ROCKS!