What's In a Name?

So I've neglected my blog since I've discovered Facebook. :) However that's not the onlyreason I haven't blogged. I've had the opportunity to deal with some issues and I've had the help of many people and I thank them for all the help. I wrote a poem that represents the way I've felt.

Scars
Scars on my legs and on my arms.
Scars meant to bring me some harm.
Scars that brought me blatant pain,
For purposes to keep me sane.

Scars that remind me of days past.
That comforted me when I could not last.
Scars that faded to white and red.
Scars that released all thoughts in my head.

Scars represent the hurt I felt.
Scars were my own way I dealt
With feelings that were never allowed.
The high I put myself on my cloud.

Scars I controlled how long, how deep.
Scars overtook my mind’s keep.
But I live to say that they are wrong,
They are a fix that never lasted long.

I hate the scars that haunt my skin.
I vow that no scars will come again.
If I could turn back the time,
I would never have made these scars of mine.

Life is hard, believe me, I know. But with the help of others I've gotten to where I am today. Which doesn't mean I'll fall back a few steps, but I've come to expect that, you know, "expect the worse, hope for the best!" Life is good, its a good thing. :)

It's Almost Christmas!!!

Does time fly for you as much as it does for me??? Holy cow! Christmas is literally just around the corner. Its weird because all my Christmas shopping is basically done but I don't feel ready for the holiday. We have Thanksgiving and all the sudden Christmas is looking at us right in the eyes.

The past week has been one of the most interestingly bad experiences I've had in my life. I've had to give up control on a lot of aspects of my life. I've had to lean on family and doctors and trust them with........well trust them with my life. So in this season of giving I feel like I'm only taking.

As my meds have been taken away, pushed back on, and started all over in some cases, you may say I've been somewhat of a basket case. I've missed one whole week of work, it was what needed to happen because there's no telling what would have happened had I been at work. People would have been scared, very, very scared! However, I look at the support network around me: my family, my friends, and even my doctors. At least they are pulling for me, even if I won't pull for myself. I can see that now, as my mind has been able to come out of that fog a little, maybe the alternative isn't a better option.

The spirit of Christmas, the gift of Christmas, it's a gift that keeps on giving. And you know what? It's a gift I can keep taking from and it doesn't make me selfish. It's the time of year for good cheer, for forgetting our imperfections, for remembering why we are here on this Earth. There has only been one perfect person, and He's there for me, and He's been there for me through my family, through my friends, and through my doctors. I can see Him in the goodness of those around me, in strangers' smiles when I walk by, and hear Him in the songs of the season. All I need to remember is to take a minute, even a second to remember what this season is about and how I can carry it with me for the entire year.

Merry Christmas everyone!

R Is For Argyle

Well not really it's not, but if you've ever heard the BNL alphabet song, you'd get why I said that. Anyway, I have become a huge fan of argyle! I wanted to pay a little tribute to it in my blog.

Of course argyle has mostly been seen in Scotland, after all that's where it was originated, but it made its way over to the USA in the early 1900's as golf apparel. It is a pattern of overlapping diamonds, adding a sense of three-demensionality, movement, and texture. To me, argyle seems studious, classy, and just down right awesome! As a fat lady buying fat clothes, there was never any clothing containing the argyle pattern. As I've lost weight and have been able to shop in 'regular' clothing stores, argyle has been ever present. So naturally, I'm drawn to it. Argyle is a different pattern, much different than plain old pinstripe or polka dots. However, to me, it's not just a pattern. It's a symbol of success and acceptance!

Back To the Grind

Disneyland was so much fun! It was so nice to go somewhere and not have any commitments, except for a dining reservation at The Blue Bayou. And even that didn't have to be honored! I've been back to work for 3 days and the vacation seems like it was just a dream! Crazy how the real life just sucks you back in!

We decided that Disneyland is going to be an annual trip every November. I'm really excited because my sister and bro in law are coming with us next year. Along with my nephews, Jordan and Andrew. They are so stoked too!

Family vacations rock!

I Can't Wait!

I'M SO EXCITED!

I leave tomorrow at 10:00 AM, drive down to Vegas, spend the night, drive to Anaheim, play in Disneyland for 3 whole days, drive to St. George, spend the night, then drive home! How's that for a run-on sentence?

WOO HOO! DISNEYLAND ROCKS!

Looking Forward

So things have been at a stale mate lately. Not just my weight but it seems like with everything in life. It's easy to give up and let life consume and control you, wouldn't you agree? Its easy to go through the motions of life and just....well....be. How does one get out of these funks? For me, I need to voice it. That's half my battle! With the admitting that life is at a halt comes acceptance and reflection. What can I do to change that? What can I look forward to?

Disneyland! A week and a half away, and I'm in a funk why? Well there are lots of reasons why, but I guarantee those will all fly out of the window the moment I step foot on Disney soil. There is no anti-depressant strong enough to stand up to it!

I want to thank my sister, for coming with me along my life and stopping right by me when my life stops. For waiting patiently as I try to figure myself out. I want to thank her for rooting for me on the side lines and for taking the time to pray for me even when I don't. Because of her I am saner now then I was this morning. She is a rock, a rock that not only I hold on to but that my family does as well. She is the link to the real world and the sane world to me. To her I say I appreciate your love and will forever be in your debt for as long as I live. I love you so very much.

I also want to thank my mentor. The one that gives me advice even when I may not be looking for it, but it always leaves an imprint on my mind and heart. He knows what I need and when I need it, and he is truly an inspiration. He is the example of living life to its fullest and recognizes every single beautiful day. He is the epitomy of stepping outside of oneself and serving all around him. He knows the pains of life, the struggles, and the joys. He is my mentor with life and with work. To him I say thank you. Thank you for your most powerful gift to bestow blessings to those in need. At a time I needed it the most, you were there.

So when life is stale, when life is stopped, what do you have to look forward to. Is it something as simple as a mini-vacation? Is it the holidays with your family? Or maybe just reading a book when it's raining outside?

'Tis the month of gratitude. I am so grateful for the opportunity to travel, to be able to "get away". But I am also so grateful to be home near a family that is so close and rises together through trials and misfortunes. Who is there for each other no matter what. I am also grateful for a family, a mentor and friends that love me for who I am, and believe in me more than I do. Thank you to all who have made such a difference in my life.

Changes

Is there such thing as too much change at once?

Man, life has been hectic lately. Have you ever felt like you are standing still and the world is moving on without you? Like you are standing still and there is a whirl wind around you?

Yeah I'm there.

6 MONTHS=100 POUNDS!!!

Can you believe it?? Today is my 6 month anniversary from my surgery and I have lost a total of 100 pounds! (Well 100.1 pounds, but who's counting??)

HOORAY! The average is 75 lbs lost, so I'm glad I'm above that. Its been a fun ride and a hard ride at times. But for some reason, hitting 6 months out is even more an inspiration to keep going! I've got 6 months before Disneyworld, and I want to lose at least another 30 by then. So here's to weight loss!!!

Thanks to all of you that have been a huge support to me this entire time!!!

Aruba Pics

Hello! Here are a few pics from Aruba that I promised I'd post!

The View of the Lazy River at the Aruba Surf Club

LeeAnn and Zoey
Heather and Me

Nic up on a pillar at the California Lighthouse

View from the Atlantis Submarine Tour

Jennie and Zoey


Zoey and Me at Madame Jeanette's


Coastline/Ocean View from Aruba Ocean Club


LeeAnn and Me


Me and Maria


The Guys and Me
(Nick, Yury, Nic)


So as you can see, we had the time of our lives! From snorkeling at Baby Beach to jeep tours, to sunset cruises, to submarine rides, to the Kukoo Kanuku Bus, we were laughing and smiling all the way. Aruba is a gorgeous island, and a perfect getaway. Its geared to romantic getaways and I would recommend it to anyone who is looking for something just like that! The Marriott's there not just the timeshares, but the hotels as well are amazing. There is so much to do and even though our days were filled to the brim with activites, it still felt like we were relaxing and taking our time with everything we did. I would definitely go back again!

True Before and After Pictures

Hi all!

Here are true before and after pictures.

The before picture was taken in mid-April. Right after the Gastric Bypass surgery. (You can see the bruise on my arm from the IV)

The after picture was taken yesterday. September 29th, 2008.
93 lbs lighter.

Back from Aruba!

Hi All!

I got back from Aruba about a week ago! Just trying to get back into the groove of things. This week has been CRAZY at work, but I wanted to check in, to say hi, and to let you know that pictures will be up very shortly!

Good Ol' Branson Missouri

What a city! Branson MO was actually a really fun vacation! Its amazing how much you don't realize you need to get away until you are actually away! As you all know, I work for Marriott Vacation Club. Horizons at Branson is a beeeautiful resort. You'll see in the picture the Horizon's logo on a wall of leather. This is the entire wall behind the check in desk. Its really incredible, the picture doesn't really do it justice.




We also met a turtle friend. He was just crawling around on the sidewalk at the resort, by the pool. (Which the pool is incredible!) We'll call him, Tubby the Turtle.




I was really impressed by the beauty of the city. Its really green and they have hard wood forests everywhere! Its quite different from the Utah scene. I do have to comment on the Ozark Mountains. To them they are in fact mountains...to us Utahns, they would be considered hills. I actually said this to a man we met in Silver Dollar City, and he kind of got offended. So I'm sorry guy, I don't mean to take anything away from the beauty of the Ozark "Mountains" but really, if you want to see a mountain come to SLC.

So besides the resort being beautiful, they do have fun attractions. We went to Silver Dollar City (the nations oldest theme park). They had some cheesy rides, but they also have updated really fast rides. That was a fun day. There are caves there that are called the Marvel Caves. We took their "Lantern Tour" which starts at 4:30 and ends at 6:30. They shut off all the lights and the only light source we had was our personal lanterns. Ghost stories and history of the caves were told, and it was an incredible experience. We hiked 530 feet down and then had to climb 8 flights of stairs to exit. Piece of cake! 5 months ago? Not a piece of cake. But it was a wonderful feeling to have the energy to do it!

Of course other attractions in the area include a plethora of corny theater shows. (You know, Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede, The Duttons, Yakov Smirnoff, etc) We didn't partake of that aspect of Branson, however, we did go to the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum. That was really interesting, I would definitely recommend that!

The Tanger Outlets are the other attraction we took advantage of. It was exciting to walk around a huge outside mall and window shop/shop at a big selection of stores. While we were walking, the sun shone down on this building. I looked up and "AHHHH" (Angels singing) low and behold there stands a Disney outlet store. So I'm sure you can come to your own conclusion as to where most of my money was spent!

All in all? You should go to Branson. Its really pretty and it was a great place to just get away. Seriously, it was so very nice to go somewhere semi-secluded and relax. I didn't have to answer to any timeclock, I got to sleep in, work on my tan, and decide on the spur of the moment what I wanted to do. Yay for vacations!

By Popular Request!

I've had a lot of people ask for before and now/after pictures. (Definitely not the "after" I want yet) So here ya go! There are days where I HATE my diet. Where nothing sits well, and everything I can't have is what I'm craving. During those times I think is this ______ really worth it? Of course it isn't! So yay for the diet (most of the time) ;o)

Anyway, here's good ol' me.

Remember when..

I used to fit in these pants?

Yeah...me neither!



Just kidding.

To All My Friends

My pledge as your friend:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry person who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.

SORE and SORER!

Have you ever been so sore you can't function? That every move you make is a huge feat accomplished? Oh my goodness. That was me yesterday. On Saturday we played 3 games of Softball in the horrible heat of Summer! It's true, I'm not in shape, but I'm getting there. But believe you me! I could barely move yesterday. I felt like I was 80 years old, but it was also a good feeling too! Knowing I had ripped my muscles to make them stronger. :) Anyway, I just needed to tell the world how sore I am, I don't want to suffer alone! Ha ha! Today is a little better, but I still feel the burn!

For those that are interested, the Bearcats qualified for the next round. We play next Saturday and if we win our first game we're guaranteed bronze at least.

Jebus the Beta Fish Final Crusade

Day 3: July 31, 2008 9:32 PM

Here lies Jebus....

Correction: Here floats Jebus.

Jebus was a good fish. Not just any eulogy will do.

Jebus, you ate well, you swam well, and in the end you floated well. Rest in peace little buddy. You will be missed.

Jebus the Beta Fish Part 3

Day 2: July 30, 2008 8:05 PM

Jebus has risen.......




.....to the top of the fish bowl.


He still appears to be dead.

Jebus the Beta Fish Part 2

Day 1: July 29, 2008 11:54 PM

Jebus appears to be dead.

Location in fish bowl: bottom, among the rocks

Ever Heard Of It?

Gang Bang. Ever heard of it? Well I was invited to go to lunch with a couple of girls today and one of them, we'll call her girl Z, actually asked me a couple of days ago if I'd like to go. I apparently didn't give a full answer, but I thought I had. Anyway, I digress. The other of the two, girl H, asked girl Z if she could invite me. Well girl Z told girl H that she had already asked me, but never got a real answer. So girl Z says to girl H, lets go gang bang her and make her go with us. Yep, gang bang. Ever heard of it?