To All My Friends

My pledge as your friend:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry person who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.